Sometimes...

Salutations to all!
Dinner with more of Jeff's family was had tonight. It was alright. Not that exiting, but not that bad either. I guess because of my frame of mind about it.
I had things I wanted to say but there gone so this is probably a pretty pointless post. All my thoughts have been lost.
I should go to bed, yet this is the time of night where I usually succumb to sensible thoughts, but really feel like staying up and...I don't know. pondering, I guess. The night is special. It's different to the day. People aren't around doing peopley things, and there is darkness and the stars and the Moon. There's just a whole different feeling to me. During the day I feel like I should be doing something, but at night I can easily just do nothing, that is if I first decide to get past the part about thinking I should sleep. It's a nice time. Need to sleep be damned!
Sometimes... This word that pops to mind every now and then promising something to come after it - a poem, prose, a song; whatever. But whatever it is it never comes. It just fades off into thoughts that are like the world seen through teary eyes, or an impressionist painting. Perhaps some day something brilliant will come of it, something that has been building up my whole life. Who knows.
You know, I am so conflicted on the value of music. I feel bad when I just listen to music, feel like I should be doing something 'constructive', or instead of losing myself in a 'fantasy' land be losing myself in the 'real' world around me. It's the same with literature and films and stuff as well. But whose to say they're not all equally valuable. It just feels that I'm lying to myself and trying to create a world that does not exist.
But I like music so. And all those other things. It invokes whatever feelings it does and make my life feel so much more rich and complete. Of course, it's a vicious cycle. Like a drug. You like the feeling so you want more and more and you become like my sister Alana, like those many out there, who constantly need it to entertain them and brighten up their reality.
So it seems like it's all fake. But I guess it's not. I don't know.
Writing is similar. I feel I should be writing...perfectly. Having a point, something to say, and expressing feelings and 'reality' perfectly otherwise I should not, I am just lying to myself and losing myself in falsities. That's why I don't write much. Or do much other art stuff, for that matter.
I'm sort of losing track of myself here. I'm not sure this all makes much sense. To some (i.e. Kobes) nothing I say seems to make sense. And by say I mean type. Lame.
I don't know.
I hope Krister and Bob have a fun as hell day!
Goodnight all. Not that 'all' is really anybody. But I feel like I'm talking to people in a way. Which is not really good. Ah well. To sleep I say! Perhaps. Ach, I'm a confused person!
Anywho. Love and best wishes fly in the directions of everyone I know, and don't know. Lots of love.
Fare thee well.