Greetings, all.
I just decided to point out to you all some things that I know from my own experience, show you how there are certain things some don't believe but, as they have happened to me, they are, at least, possible, so you can't say they aren't.
Primarily, you can do anything you want, so to speak. I mean, if you commit to change, it will happen. I realise that it has taken my whole life being exactly as it has been thus far to be where I am, but it does show that it's possible. I have achieved everything I have honestly, commitedly, even subconsciously, set out to achieve, to a degree. Of course, my life isn't over yet and all, but the facts remain. For example, friends. For one thing as a specific example, I have realised that a certain person I've always wanted to be better frineds with reacts in kind to the way I act to them, so that I have learnt that instead of waiting for others, it is actually beneficial to act yourself. Additionally, another example, I decided a little while ago that if I really wanted better friends, all I had to do was act more friendly, more how I wanted to act, and it over time happened. See, my change in acting was in part spurred on by when I had a bit to drink at Krister's 18th. I saw then who i wanted to be, in part, and, as I had seen that it was possible for me to be like that, I committed to bringing that into my normal life, to great success. So the point of saying all this is to tell you all that it is possible to achieve what you want. Entirely possible. Of course, you can deny it as much as you want, say that you in your situation connot, I am just telling you that that possiblity does exist. And i'm repeating myself a lot here.
Another thing to add, a few words on selfishness/selflessness. I've not thought of this in terms of words yet, so I hope this turns out alright. Contrary to what I have once believed and what others may express, there is a true selflessness. Of course, on some level it is for you in a way, but there's much more to it than that. Yes it can be done in a detrimental way, but it doesn't always have to be like that. there is something there that makes it good and right. I think you'll find it rewarding to think in terms of commpassion and kindness and respect and wanting to help all. A quote:
"go buy a houseplant. no, buy two. one you kind of like, and one you really don't find attractive at all. over the next few months, sit down every day for a few minutes and look at each one. for the first, think about how much you hate it, how ugly it is, what a pain it is to have to water it all the time, and how you wish it would just die and get done with it. for the second, focus on its beauty, pay attention to how it develops, think about how much you like it and how you want it to grow. get to know its shape and its characteristics, and if you're really weird, try and "feel" the energy of it. commune with it, love it, "send" it positive thoughts and energy.
"don't actually do anything different to the two plants. give them equal sun, and fertilizer, and water. treat them the same, externally, but create an opposition within your inner feelings towards them.
"then wait and see how they develop. be careful, though, because you just might kill the one you hate.
"want a better experiment? try this with people that you know. i don't suggest doing the whole "hating" part of it though (bad karma). do you know someone who is old and ailing? or constantly depressed? or who is always sick or angry or bitter? it works best with someone you see and interact with often, someone in whom you can observe day-to-day changes in behavior and attitude. when you're with them, then, or even when you're not, "send" them positive thoughts. look for what is beautiful in them. intend compassion, and "pray for them", if you like to think of it like that. ... it's best to begin with someone you already feel love for, but eventually you should try this with the people who you feel you "hate" the most... easier said than done, i know. the ultimate goal is unconditional loving-kindness and compasison for all beings, but don't worry if that seems like too much of a stretch for you...
"so try this, and then just watch. observe. notice. become aware of how their attitudes change... pay attention to how your own feelings toward a person actually affect how they feel and act, even from across a room or from a thousand miles away. if you're in a room or with a group of people, and tension or anger or discomfort begins to manifest, try centering yourself and consciously radiate love to everyone involved. when two people are arguing, focus not on the drama but on the underlying love between them that causes them to care about each other's behavior. radiate positivity, and see what happens.
"if you do this, you will eventually come to understand that your own inner thoughts and intentions actually influence all of creation. put another way, instead of getting upset or judgmental or angry at others for not being how you want them to be, be the change you wish to see in the world, and you may find that the world will follow suit. it's astonishing, and also intensely humbling, to realize as a matter of personal experience the effect that you can have on the world around you."
All you can do in difficult situations is be honest with yourself, don't let your best judgements get clouded by pride, and treat both yourself and others with compassion. By the way, as much as your pride may resist certain changes such as these, I have at least found that if you have the courage to move past them you will actually find your life is far better for it.
Of course, you may think I'm full of shit. Indeed I may be, I do remind myself of that. All I can do is speak from personal experience.
That's all for now.
Take care :)