Winterwood by Don Maclean

And time has proven that I'm right
There's no place I'd rather be
Than at your place for the night
No time can pass your sight unseen
No moment steals away unfound
A lifetime lived in such a dream
Floats like a feather to the ground

And for the first I've been seeing
The things I'd never notice without you
And for the first time I'm discovering
The things I used to treasure about you

The birds like leaves on Winterwood
Sing hopeful songs on dismal days
They've learned to live life as they should
They are at peace with Nature's ways
You are as natural as the night
And all that springs from you is good
And the children born beneath your light
Are like the birds on Winterwood

And for the first I've been seeing
The things I'd never notice without you
And for the first time I'm discovering
The things I used to treasure about you

A Glass of Apple Juice

These pictures go well with Clocks by Coldplay, from bottom to top. Hehe

Joyful Sound by The String Cheese Incident

Take time to give thanks
Make time to be given
I’m going to stop and think twice
About the way that I'm living
Did I say a kind word?
Am I proud of my actions?
You know a job well done
Gives me satisfaction
Can I earn your trust?
Your love and affection?
Just one step at a time
In the right direction
Going to aim for the sky
Keep my feet on the ground
Raise my voice to the heavens
Make a joyful sound

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaa....
Make a joyful sound

Can I sing for my supper
And play for my rent
I know it sounds funny
But it's how my time's spent
Greet everyday with full purpose
With passion and pride
I’m going to follow my heart
And have nothing to hide
A moment of insight
I know why I'm here
You know when the time just stops
See it all real clear
I’ve got to set an example
Make some mischief and fun
Do unto others and
Play a fat bass run

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaa....
Make a joyful sound

I got to work hard everyday
And give it my best
Grab hold of fear and negativity
And lay them to rest
I know my time here's important
Can I do the right thing?
Practice patience and forgiveness
Feel the joy that they bring
Can I lay down tonight
Without feeling regret?
I know the love that I give
Becomes the love that I get
Well do you hear what I'm saying
Making sense to you?
Well if you feel it in your heart
Then you might want to sing too

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaa....
Make a joyful sound

I don't want to sound preachy
Make you feel all wrong
Just want to write some kind lyrics
Sing a feel good song
It's kind of hard to explain
It is just a feeling I get
From making music making love
Getting both feet wet
Well every piece to the puzzle
Snapped tight to the groove
I Close my eyes breathe deeply and
Let my feet move
You know I feel a little better
Now for speaking my mind
Good vibes in circulation and
See who they find

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaa....
Make a joyful sound

Anywhere Is - Enya

I walk the maze of moments
But everywhere I turn to
Begins a new beginning
But never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
And there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know

You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

The moon upon the ocean
Is swept around in motion
But without ever knowing
The reason for it’s flowing
In motion on the ocean
The moon still keeps on moving
The waves still keep on waving
And I still keep on going

You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

I wonder if the stars sign
The life that is to be mine
And would they let their light shine
Enough for me to follow
I look up to the heavens
But night has clouded over
No spark of constellation
No vela no orion
The shells upon the warm sands
Have taken from their own lands
The echo of their story
But all I hear are low sounds
As pillow words are weaving
And willow waves are leaving
But should I be believing
That I am only dreaming

You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

To leave the thread of all time
And let it make a dark line
In hopes that I can still find
The way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
Begin a new beginning
Still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It’s either this or that way
It’s one way or the other
It should be one direction
It could be on reflection
The turn I have just taken
The turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.

Cry Woe, Woe and Let the Good Prevail, by Oscar Wilde

O well for him who lives at ease
With garnered gold in wide domain,
Nor heeds the splashing of the rain,
The crashing down of forest trees.

O well for him who ne'er hath known
The travail of the hungry years,
A father grey with grief and tears,
A mother weeping all alone.

But well for him whose foot hath trod
The weary road of toil and strife,
Yet from the sorrows of his life
Builds ladders to be nearer God.


"There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say... "

So I've decided that as of this post my blog will be in complete honesty, or at least I shall try it to the best of my perception of things, although I can't promise that I am seeing clearly.
So there you have it. No more subtle things to cover myself in any way, make myself appear to think how I think I shoud think (hehe) or anything (such things have been depleting in number over the last while anyway). So I am committed now, as soon as I press the "publish post" button...Here I go...
Luf :)

Fun Day

Pat Rafter, in the flesh! omg! hahaha



Enough pictures for now! (never enough pictures!)
Have a great one! :)

This is just a little post to help me remember something and affirm it to myself.
"In releasing this vicious cycle [of making yourself a victim], it is well to view the totality of human suffering and recontextualize the events from the level of compassion. As the Buddha pointed out, being mortal automatically entails suffering, which is why he taught to seek Enlightenment in order to preclude that karmically determined recurrence. When one willingly lets a hated perpetrator 'off the hook' by forgiveness, it is not that person who is taken off the hook but oneself. As the Buddha also said, there is no necessity to punish or get even with others because they will bring themselves down by their own hand." --David Hawkins
Oh, I shan't resist...Time for a picture or three!




Luf!

Hello again!
New post just for the purpose of posting pictures. And I thought to spice it up a bit I'd open a book - Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love by Stephanie Dowrick - at a random page in the hope of finding something worthwhile...
So here it is (it's quite long, feel free to stop at any time, not that my permission is required for that):

"Self-forgivenss and the forgiveness of opthers seems inextricably intertwined. We move through life hurting others, as well as being hurt. We move through life hurting ourselves, as well as being hurt. Eventually some of thesee events will fade, and be entirely forgotten. With ohters, anger will soften to annoyance, irritation, sadness. Grief may blend into sorrow. Lessons will be learned. Distances maintained. Warning signs observed. The sycle of redemption continues: opennes, truthfulness, a willingness to be changed, a willingness to make amends; action that removes us from the place of suffering; action that relieves the pain of others, a willingness to learn.
"In the concentration camp of Ravensbruck, this extraordinary prayer was left by the body of a dead child: 'Oh Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will, but alos those of ill will. But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted on us; remember the fruits we have bought, thanks to this suffering - our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown out of all of this, and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits which we have borne be their forgiveness.'
"This radical request - that their murderers should benefit from the gifts retrieved from the suffering that they themselves had caused - is a startling example of compassion at its most profound and unitive of levels. At juts the moment when feelings of revenge, hatred and contempt would seem not just natural, but inevitable, this prayer is drawing our attention to love.
"'Would you still further weaken and break apart that which is already broken and hopeless?' asks the Course in Miracles. And, if most of us were truthful, in the face of wounding and betrayal we would have to answer yes. Wo would like to weaken it. Break it apart. Trample on it. Turn it into dust. Grind it into the ground. Scream at it. SCatter it with our tears and our blood. End it.
"The teaching goes on, still challenging us: 'Or would you not prefer to heal what has been broken, and join in making whole what has been ravaged by separartion [from God, or perhaps from one's own goodness] and disease?'
"In all the mystical traditions there are stories of those who have been tortured and killed and have suffered those fates willingly and even joyously for the chance that it has given them to take on the suffering of others. This depth on connection with life is foreign to most of us. We neither live that intensely nor could die that gloriously. But we can learn something from it.
"I am speaking ot a young Chinese poet who is visiting Australia for a year on a writer's fellowship. We have met at the writers' retreat where I am working on this book. He wused ot be a Zen Buddhist but a few years ago became a Christian. It's not easy to be a Christian in China. It pusts you at risk politically and socially. Nevertheless, his faith inChrist fills him with joy. The joy spread right across his face when he speaks of it.
"Later in the evening we are talking about his son. The poet tell me what a fine teacher to him his son is. The boy is almost seven. With his mother, the poet's wife, the child arrived in Australia just a few weeks earlier. He was invited to take part in a children's chior. Unfortunately he weas highly praised by the chiormaster, and the chiormaster's son, who was also in the chior, resented and literally pushed the poet's son out. The poet was angrey. Telling me, I can see his offence. The boy, however, was not angry. Instead, he said to the poet: 'I prayed to the Lord to love this boy moreAnd I prayed that the Lord would keep on allowing me to forgive. Why should I be angry?'
"The poet reflects on his son's beauty and wisdom and says to me: 'This boy is filled with the Holy Spirit. This is the Lord's work. He is a very unusual boy.'
...
"Forgiveness is the means to release yourself and perhaps others, too, form an experience of hurt, injury, wounding, suffering, humiliation or pain that has already passed. It is what allows you at least some separation from that experience so that you can be fresh to what is present in this moment.
"It is the means to let go not only what was done to you, but how you were then, so that you can experience yourself as you are now. When it is appropriate, it is also the means to move on from an old version of another person to who that person is now.
...
"To forgive may be an act of supreme love and gentleness, but it is also tough. It demands that at least one party faces the truth - and learns something of value form it. It does not involve condoning, trivialising, minimising, excusing, ignoring or pretending to forget what has been done. It does not withdraw blame. Yet it may also ask you to be careful how you apportion blame; whether you absent yourself from events or remain present.
" 'Hate is not conquered by hate, the Dhammapada teaches. 'Hate is conquered by love. This is a law eternal.' "
"Even under the most dire circumstances, long before any version of forgiveness itslef becomes possible, impersonal love - the love that makes no distinction between you and other living creatures - demands that you give up notions of vengence. This may not mean ceasing to be angry, if angry is what you feel. Forgiveness certainly does not mean pretending that things are fine when they are not. Nor does iy mean refusing to take whatever action is needed to redress past wrongs, or to protect you in the future.
"We often tlak about forgiveness in a context that suggest we are giving things away when we forgive. Or that we are accepting something inreturn when others forgive us. This is illusory. Offering our firgiveness, or allowing forgiveness to arise in whatever nascent forms within us, takes nothing away from us. It restores to us something that is always within us but from which we have become unbound: a sense on unity expressed through the wualities of trust, faith, hope and love.
"That subtle, profound relationship between unity and love is captured perfectly for me by Gabrielle Lord when she writes: [This] is where real love starts to grow, in the dawning truth that you are the same as me. Not the same person, as an obsessive and destructive Heathcliff-Cathy coupling [from Wuthering Heights], but the same in your unchanging spirit - having the same need for respect, the same longing for peace, the same yearning for acceptance and love, and having the same fears of suffering and loss. Once a person has come to comprhend these huge and over-riding points of similarity, it becomes impossible to see the differences - of appearance, income, social status - as having much substance at all anymore. People start to be seen mor elike the flowers, shrubs and trees of a garden; all entirely different in appearance, yet all needing the same care to keep them alive: sunlight, water and sustenance.' [Or as the Dalai Lama would put it 'We all want happiness and do not want suffering].
"Forgiveness neither begins nor ends with words. Words can, in fact, stand in for forgiveness as poor substitutes for something that actually requires intense reflection, contemplation, resolution and action. Far more important than words are the shifts in attitude those words accompany, the changed actions they allow, the compassion they elicit, and, ideally, the love they free to flow.
" 'Forgiveness,' teaches the Course in Miracles, 'paints a picture of a world where suffering is over, loss becomes impossible and anger makes no sense. Attack is gone and madness has an end.'
"For anyone enduring the anguish that arouses the desire to retaliate, punish, take revenge, or kill, this picture may seem impossibly rosy. It depends on and also draws together all the vitues that we have been considering: courage, fidelity, restraint, generosity, tolerance. Forgiveness calls on wisdom and calls out to love, and forges them into something strong enough not to wipe out what has been, but ot transorm the way that one views what has been, and currently experiences it :

" 'Friend, it's time to make an effort,
So you become a grown human being,
And go out picking jewels
Of feeling for others.' "

...

"To claim the wholeness of our lives, and to release the compassion that only such wholeness can allow, we need to free ourselves form our prison of indifference, from the chains ooof cynicism. from the manacles of false innocence. We need to step into the open air, feeling the earth that's beneath our feet and being thankful for that, and looking up at the sky.
"There is such fierce and free besuty in any rare moment that we stand upright between earth and sky, conscious of the blessing of existence. 'We and nature are one,' sings the poet Andrew Harvey. 'One dance, one feast, one radiance...'
"It is easy to complain that the dance is not to our liking ["this dance is difficult/this dance is hard/this makes me wanna spin/round in my yard" - Mirah] that the feast has turned sour, that the radiance has dimmed.
"WE can rage against that, and beat against our fate with out tiney hands. WE cna shout that life is unfair; that we deserve better; that suffering's long stick shoud tap some other shoulder.
"Or we can look around us.
"Looking aorund us, we can see how others also suffer - and may need our help. We cna see that the seasons of suffering are often quite incredibly followed by seasons of insight, increased wisdom and even joy. We cna see that sometimes the suffering is of our own making - and it is we who must most urgently and humbly make amends. We cans ee that help comes when we ask for it - but sometimes wearing strange disguises.

" 'A new heart I will give you,
And a new spirit I will put within you:
And I will take out of your flesh,
the heart of stone;
And give you a heart of flesh.'

"Roberto Assagioli tells this old story of three stonecutters, all employed on the building of a cathedral in medieval time. When the first was asked what he was doing he said, angrily, 'As you see, I am cutting stones.' The sencond replied, pragmatically, 'I am earning a living for my family.' The third said, joyfully, 'Iam building a great cathedral.'
"Forgiveness lives or dies not in what has been done to us, and how we feel about that, but on the deepest and most telling attitudes that we bring to our own stone-cutting, to the meaning we find in existence. At the heart of exitence lies a bewitching paradox that echoes in all the virtues: that the more openly and truthfully we expereince our connection with others, the less personal and conditional this connection needs to be. In bowing deeply to the heart of the person you have injured, or feel injured by, you acknowledge what you share; yet this knowledge can set you free. For only when we understand what we share willo we also understand how compassion emerges from truth and love and wholeness - and changes everything."

There! And to finish off, a poem by Jellaludin Rumi:

Begin

This is now. Now is. Don't
postpone till then. Spend

the spark of iron on stone.
Sit at the head of the table,

dip your spoon in the bowl.
Seat yourself next to your joy

and have your awakened soul
pour wine. Branches in the

spring wind, easy dance of
jasmine and cypress. Cloth

for green robes has been cut
from pure absence. You're

the tailor, settled among his
shop goods, quietly sewing.

Take care, all, and have a fab time :)

Hello! I got a digital camera, so from now on this blog is going to have photos! Hooray! Ummm, I tend to think lots of things are beautiful that others don't think are that great, but oh well, you shall just have to suffer my boring pictures, muahaha!


Ooooo, so arty, hehe



















A photo took on my journey to Alaska! Just kidding, I've never actually been there. I'm such a dirty liar. It's just a picture I found.

The Northern Lights are so incredibly amazing! I would love to go see them some day! So amazing!

Well that's all the photos for now. More shall be coming, though, don't you worry, hehe!

Apparently, castrated men live nine years longer than those who are not castrated. Hm.

Anywho, take care, and have a great one!

So many exclamation marks hehe!

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning"

"Whee. Sal, we gotta go and never stop going till we get there." "Where we going, man?" "I don't know but we gotta go."

And another thing to add to my holiday experience: we went to one of those laser tag thingos and it was super cool! Far exceeded expectations. Now when I think about ti it doesn't seem that great, but I remember that it was! Thus I shall organise to do it with my friends! Super fun!
Night night.

There is a praying mantis on the window behing me. I was watching it, and there was one of Beethoven's piano sonatas going on in the background, and it was moving with the music, like it was dancing n an insecty way. So cool. In the softer slower parts it stayed still, and then when the louder more dynamic parts came it would move in time wiht the music.
Things are so amazing!

Spin around, fall down, drag myself out (not without help, of course)
Spin around, fall down, float on out again
Each time harder
Each time easier
Each time more rewarding
As I strive simultaneously for truth, or at least honesty, and to run away from it in fear
When I don’t know what to do
Just let it sit, let it stew.
Let it run through its course
Because I’m not sure what’s right and true.
Until it’s over
And I come out the other side more blessed than before.
But the low times seem to be increasing
While the high times are few
(But better than ever)
But I still have the memory, and I know what’s possible.
So for now I guess I’ll just sit and stew.

"It’s just over there, just over that summit, then it’s on your way down for another year. No not down, because you want to go up, so you just know that down is up and roll on with the metaphor."-- Mr. See Subtle

I come back to my life here and instantly am confused
Again I have no clue what to do
Or at lest my brain does not
Because it does not like to listen
And that’s alright
I shall go on
Because that’s what I do.

I come back from the bliss
The great times playing in and by the sea
And have to face all those things I don’t want to face
Prefer to run from
Yet simultaneously want
And so I am here, don’t know what to do
But write this
What is it?
Is it real?
Does it have worth?
Perhaps, perhaps
But how real?
And how much worth?

Those days of certainty
How sweet they be
When I can play and feel free
Even when I know I’m not
Not yet.

Freedom
Is inside
People talk about freeing everyone from this and that when really it is inside
Or so my experience says.
Of course, I might be wrong
So might you
We none of us may know a thing
And that’s alright
Because we be, and that is all we can do
For now.
Or not.

I am back from holidays. Port Macquarie is a beautiful place. Red soil colours the sand at the edge of the beach, the sand which there is finer than here, the water saltier, and something about the air to complete that sentence, although the air is pretty much the same. Except of course for that subtle hint of the sea. There - "the water saltier, the air speaks of the sea".
One day of was running along and hit my hand on something that wasn't there. It hurt. I investigated the area and there was nothing. Unless my mind is warped and it happened in a different place than I thought, perhaps I was moving faster than it seemed. Or perhaps I am just out of it.
The rocks there look so volcanic. They remind me of dinosaurs.
I wandered paths, heard twittering birds, saw much that was beautiful.
We had an encounter with leeches. And this time I did not care. The last encounter was a few years ago and I freaked out a little, but this time I just flicked them off, even the one that was eating me, and did not mind. In fact, they are incredibly cute.
I was in a lingering mood from New Years, a sad mood, until Friday. From that day until getting home on Monday, things were better than ever. I learnt to see more, and to play as never before. I love the beach, and the whole coastline. There's just something about it. Not only is it super fun in the surf and beautiful, but perhaps there is just the right amount of distraction, of noise, to allow my thoughts to move more freely. I discovered that at dad's prior to New Years. I think better there.
And I knew it would be Friday that things would get better. I shall divulge my possibly worrying secret, although it's not that much of a secret anymore becuse I told someone, but still. You see, I sort of occaisionally hear things, just mumblings in my head, words spoken that I can't understand because they sound all muffled, but I know they're words, and I know if they're said my a female or male voice. In my Wicca days it was female. They used to suprise me occaisionally and I'd get a bit scared. But the other week, on the night I stayed at Jared's actually, I understood something for the first time, the word "friday" said in a male voice. I think there might have been something else I understood but I don't remember. Oh yes, something along the lines of "come to me" (which, coincidentally, was while Jared was on the phone in another room). It could be somewhat worrying, or it could be pretty spiffy. I don't know. I'm not really worried about it. I'll just sit and see what happens. Although I know if I read this on someone's blog I would be quite worried. Plus my family has a history of mental illness. Ah well.
On the very first day we arrived we saw a dolphin making its way up the river from the ocean. I saw two doing the same on the last day. First and last. And on Friday eve at the turning of my mood I saw black cokatoos, which for me tend to indicate great times to soon come, or perhaps just a shift in mood. They flew on that day from the other side of the river to the church. On the last day I saw them fly from there back to the other side of the river. Isn;t life brilliant. It's all too coincidental to be mere coincidence, or so I like to believe.
We visited a rainforest and were blessed wth the sight of a snail. Not just any snail, but one which only lives in the river in that rainforest, nowhere else. The guide, Chantelle, lifted a leaf to show us a plant and there it was. She was rather exited because she'd never actually seen one before.
We watched so many movies! Two on almost every day, hehehe. I like movies. So distracting, such complete escapism!
And I realised that my life can be special and worthwhile too, that it even has movie moments in it. I've started to keep a journal of those wonderful moments, like playing at the beach with Alana and Jeff, rolling along in the waves, playing "beached whales", long jumping over them and being propelled forwards onto my knees so they now hurt, throwing sand, running away from Jeff's attempt to catch me, which I was successful at every time etc etc. Then climbing up to the lighthouse, braving the edges, feeling the wind, retrieving a bin and all its rubbish that had fallen down a slope. The mud there is so cool, so slimey and oozy.
And I discovered so many other things, both physical and inner (and imaginative hehehe Journeys. I had to mention it!) And I may be an emerging artiste (meaning I am actually beginning to make things that can be somewhat acceptable to me)! We shall see.
In conclusion, we had some great times, and although it is not always like that, andI go back often to waiting for something to happen, I still have them to remind me.
So take care everyone, and I wish upon you all the joy I have had, and much more.

"Look to this day!

For it is life,

the very life of life.

In its brief course lie all the truths

and realities of existence--

the bliss of growth, the glory of action,

the splendor of beauty.

For yesterday is but a dream,

and tomorrow is only a vision.

But today well lived makes every yesterday

a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow

a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day!

Such is the salvation of the dawn."

"I like smiling. Smiling's my favourite!"

I wish you all a very very happy new year!!!
Some of you will not be having the best time this new year's, but I promise you that it needn't set the tone for your whole year, just in case you were thinking that. I promise you that.
I wish upon all of you all of my bestest blessings for the coming year, because I love you, and I shall be praying for you.
As for me, I enter the new year full of a new discoveries: a sense of belonging that I woke up with just the other morning, that has nothing to do with anything physical; a newly discovered love; a love of life and greatfulness for being alive; and a consquent will to go on, to travel whatever path is before me in the best way I can, to strive to be the best I can be for everyone else.

Oh and by the way, just to come back and show me that I know absolutely nothing and not to get cocky, my period is a little more painful than usual, and I have experienced many blows to what I thought I knew and now truely see that I don't know (and yet I still wish to strive on, which is super great!)

So love to you all, and take care of yourselves.