Everything - Lifehouse
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart, and you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything... everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything...everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything...everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything...everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Cat Stevens - Sitting
Oh I'm on my way I know I am, somewhere not so far from here
All I know is what I feel right now, I feel the power growing in
my hair
Sitting on my own not by myself, everybody's here with me
I don't need to touch your face to know, I don't need to use my
eyes to see
I keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I always wake up
the same (or so)?
And keep on wondering if I sleep too much, will I even wake up
again or something
Oh I am on my way, I know I am, but times there were when I
thought not
Bleeding half of my soul in bad company, I thank the moon I had
the strength to stop
I'm not making love to anyone's wishes, only for the light I see
'Cause when I am dead and lowered in my grave, that's gonna be
the only thing that's left of me
And if I make it to the waterside, will I even find me a boat
(or so)?
And if I make it to the waterside, I'll be sure to write you a
note or something.
Oh I'm on my way, I know I am, somewhere not so far from here
All I know is all I feel right now, I feel the power growing in
my hair
Oh life is like a maze of doors and they all open from the side
you're on
Just keep pushing hard boy, try as you may
You're gonna wind up where you started from
You're gonna wind up where you started from
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Hello!
I have been trying to write my extension two major work, and have decided to post my little germ of a story on here that I just. It's liek my thrid or fourth go at starting, not to mention all the little bits and pieces, but we'll just wait and see how it turns out.
I would really apreciate feeback on this! Thank you :)
We’ve been driving on this winding road going up and up and up, winding this way then that then this then that. We’ve been on it for what seems like ages now. But it hasn’t been like that the whole way. I mean, I’m not a liar or anything, I’m really not, but it seems like that’s the way it’s been. I guess in actuality it’s been more like a mixture of very windy roads and slightly less windy roads, now that I think about it; but never dead straight ones.
A neon sign warns of brumbies, and I remember movies I used to watch when I was younger in years. I could say “when I was a kid”, but I’ve never been a goat…and anyway, I like to think of my youth as something that has not ended. I’m sure it hasn’t. But I had a point there…oh yeah, brumbies. I remember beautiful images of horses running with what seemed like wild abandon through snow and grass and sparse bush and ragged scrub. Sometimes they spoke of danger to come, or they were the danger. Muscular forms of brown and red and white and all the colours in between flashing past the camera, crossing mountains and raging rivers. Creatures or the ancestors of creatures who had left the humans who laid claim to them, perhaps following the call of something bigger than themselves.
I’ve seen a lot of signs. We all have, I guess. Announcements of speed limits or changing traffic conditions or potential hazards. Around these parts, they usually warn of the danger of wild animals, although brumbies is a special one. Most often it’s kangaroos. We hit one of them once, years ago when my family and I were driving back from the snow. It was a child. We missed the parent it was following, did not expect a second. The big strong man of the group had to drag its flinching corpse off the road. Ever since then we’ve paid the little extra money for insurance on hire cars.
Up in the higher paths fluoro poles mark the edge of the road so you don’t drive off and tumble to an icey/firey death and realise your automobile really is vulnerable. Of course, at that point I assume you wouldn’t really be intellectualising about such things.
That sort of behaviour is left to us living ones not caught in the midst of an adrenalin rush.
“‘You’re far away. Where are you?’” I hear an enticing whisper in my ear, ripping me away from my intellectualising and back to the present. A friendly reminder. I turn around and grin, “‘in a world that’s falling apart.’” The two of us laugh, regarding each other with eyes locking us together, sparkling in mirth.
“I spy with my little eye…”
“Oh god, Tammy, don’t start that crap again. We’ve got some good music going here; must you go ruining it with your ugly voice?” Tongues poke out, leaving the wetness of mouths in favour of the dryness of the air for the purposes of humour. Laughter rings through the atmosphere.
“Yo' mamma.”
“Ooooooo, owned!”
“Hahaha.”
Smiling faces resonate throughout the car, seep through the glass and the material and the metal into the environment without, mingle with the alpine air and warm it up, just a little.
Late night. Blue glow of the computer illuminates the room with an eerie, night-timely light that pulsates almost imperceptibly, or is it just my tired mind? I’m coming down from the alcohol now, at that stage, you know, when you get really sleepy and sad. Except I’m not feeling all that sad, this time. I’ve heard that some of your best work is done at four o’clock in the morning, so I’m finally here, after all these years, testing that theory.
I write whatever flows out from my fingertips to the screen. The alcohol has softened my brain, so I feel free to just write without judgement.
The others are asleep on the queen-sized bed next to me. We’re too cheap to bother with two rooms.
This night passed we stayed up together like we have so many others, drinking, dancing, talking, laughing.
...
and that's all for now. Stay tuned for later installements!
Remember, feedback please!
Night night darlings, hehehe.
I have been trying to write my extension two major work, and have decided to post my little germ of a story on here that I just. It's liek my thrid or fourth go at starting, not to mention all the little bits and pieces, but we'll just wait and see how it turns out.
I would really apreciate feeback on this! Thank you :)
We’ve been driving on this winding road going up and up and up, winding this way then that then this then that. We’ve been on it for what seems like ages now. But it hasn’t been like that the whole way. I mean, I’m not a liar or anything, I’m really not, but it seems like that’s the way it’s been. I guess in actuality it’s been more like a mixture of very windy roads and slightly less windy roads, now that I think about it; but never dead straight ones.
A neon sign warns of brumbies, and I remember movies I used to watch when I was younger in years. I could say “when I was a kid”, but I’ve never been a goat…and anyway, I like to think of my youth as something that has not ended. I’m sure it hasn’t. But I had a point there…oh yeah, brumbies. I remember beautiful images of horses running with what seemed like wild abandon through snow and grass and sparse bush and ragged scrub. Sometimes they spoke of danger to come, or they were the danger. Muscular forms of brown and red and white and all the colours in between flashing past the camera, crossing mountains and raging rivers. Creatures or the ancestors of creatures who had left the humans who laid claim to them, perhaps following the call of something bigger than themselves.
I’ve seen a lot of signs. We all have, I guess. Announcements of speed limits or changing traffic conditions or potential hazards. Around these parts, they usually warn of the danger of wild animals, although brumbies is a special one. Most often it’s kangaroos. We hit one of them once, years ago when my family and I were driving back from the snow. It was a child. We missed the parent it was following, did not expect a second. The big strong man of the group had to drag its flinching corpse off the road. Ever since then we’ve paid the little extra money for insurance on hire cars.
Up in the higher paths fluoro poles mark the edge of the road so you don’t drive off and tumble to an icey/firey death and realise your automobile really is vulnerable. Of course, at that point I assume you wouldn’t really be intellectualising about such things.
That sort of behaviour is left to us living ones not caught in the midst of an adrenalin rush.
“‘You’re far away. Where are you?’” I hear an enticing whisper in my ear, ripping me away from my intellectualising and back to the present. A friendly reminder. I turn around and grin, “‘in a world that’s falling apart.’” The two of us laugh, regarding each other with eyes locking us together, sparkling in mirth.
“I spy with my little eye…”
“Oh god, Tammy, don’t start that crap again. We’ve got some good music going here; must you go ruining it with your ugly voice?” Tongues poke out, leaving the wetness of mouths in favour of the dryness of the air for the purposes of humour. Laughter rings through the atmosphere.
“Yo' mamma.”
“Ooooooo, owned!”
“Hahaha.”
Smiling faces resonate throughout the car, seep through the glass and the material and the metal into the environment without, mingle with the alpine air and warm it up, just a little.
Late night. Blue glow of the computer illuminates the room with an eerie, night-timely light that pulsates almost imperceptibly, or is it just my tired mind? I’m coming down from the alcohol now, at that stage, you know, when you get really sleepy and sad. Except I’m not feeling all that sad, this time. I’ve heard that some of your best work is done at four o’clock in the morning, so I’m finally here, after all these years, testing that theory.
I write whatever flows out from my fingertips to the screen. The alcohol has softened my brain, so I feel free to just write without judgement.
The others are asleep on the queen-sized bed next to me. We’re too cheap to bother with two rooms.
This night passed we stayed up together like we have so many others, drinking, dancing, talking, laughing.
...
and that's all for now. Stay tuned for later installements!
Remember, feedback please!
Night night darlings, hehehe.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own,
and you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy
who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.
It's opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...
...
...
...for people just waiting...
...
...
...
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will gothough the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting...
So...get on your way!
Dr. Seuss is super cool! Thanks to Subtle Being for this (I'm such a thief!)
Sunday, February 12, 2006
So I want to write something. For whatever reason, I want to write. Courage to write whatever comes out. I can review it afterwards and see what it's like. But for now, all I need do is write.
I went down to the beach today and I could not feel. Other than frustration at being where I am. It was beautiful and wonderful, but although I had moments, I did not feel it. Soemthing is amiss...What? After being exposed to so many suggestions, how do I know which one to pick?
Perhaps the answer is that I don't. You never know which path to pick, whihc choice is the right one. But you choose anyway, in faith and out of neccessity, for you must move forward, you have no choice, even if forward is backwards, you must move on and on until you get to wherever it is you're going, if you are indeed going anywhere at all.
Faith. It's a lovely thing. "Faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love." Corinthians 13, a great passage indeed. I like faith at the moment. Maybe it's foolishness, perhaps, but I am following a path out of faith and seeing where it leads me. You might like to try it sometime. It may well be worthwhile. Just a possibilty. Then again, it's just one path of many, so whatever tickles your bottom, as my mum would say, hahaha.
I can hear the ocean from here. I like the ocean. It's all pretty and expansive. It's blue and black and green and red and purple and it sparkles and it is so big! And it's so full of all this life, of myriad organisms unimaginable and unintelligable and underwear and other un words. I like it!
I've just gone on a crazy giddy as a schoolgirl crazy thing, so my mind is all all over the place, particularly coming back to a particular feeling...Woveda, for the mo I shall just go wit da flo, hahaha. I am such a gansta. Yo shorty, bitch nigger fuck ho...Oh the swimming carnival!
Anywho! After that random outburst of 'coolness'...
So what to say now? Anything worthwhile at all going to come out here? We shall see.
A thought: the way that requires intellectual justification is not the way of the heart. Of course, it's hard to tell when when your mind comes into it, hard to express or think it with the mind, but it's something I stumbled across one day when I was distractedly looking.
I'm tired, and it is getting late. It is time for me to go. But I am drawn back to this infite well of cyber humanity time and time again. I'm addicted. I forget myself as I surf the expanse of the internet ocean, or as I sit here want to search for something, but what, I do not know. Like in the Matrix. It's sort of a handy metphor for life, really. Except the internet is something that people acknowledge more, their love of it, their yerning to explore it It has this power. It's pretty sad, I know, but there is something about it...Or something about the way I react to it. For it is all in my reaction. Therefore, for the answers to anything without I can only look within, surely? It seems logical to me. But what seems to prove a point to me may seem like irrelevant fluff to another. So I'll just carry on along my path because that's what I must do, and what I choose to do, because I know I lvoe the path, even though i forget sometimes and often take it all way, especially myself, way too seriously. You enjoy it. You slip over on a banana peel in the middle of a typical American school hallway, and you laugh along with all the cruel people around you because they're not really cruel they're just doing the same as you are - trying to get by in the world the best way they can - and you know you looked ridiculus anyway.
You stumble into brambles and you laugh at the absurdity of life, because it is not absurd at all, but perfect without flaw or falter or little crevice or molehill. And you laugh at yourself because you have been so unbelievably pretentious and arrogant and silly and showed it to the world but it is at the same time believeable becaus eit goes on around you all the time. So you laugh because it is funny.
But I am not actually there. I am teaching what i do not know. For I have not yet been able to express why you would laugh at such things without it being cruel and bitchy. there is a light-heartedness, some sort of divine humour that does not involve laughing at someones behaviour, but something else. Like you're laughing with them, they just don't know it.
I'm not usre that I'm not lying here. I don't know the laughter. So I shall back up a little, or rather go forward into truth further. I hope.
Why don't we do it in the road. Crazy old Beatles.
If I don't sleep now I will regret it in the morning. But the thought of facing that abyss of unpleasant restless incessant yabbering of the mind...Therefore I am enheartened to go and face this particular abyss and emerge blessed, because i have faith that is what will happen, and it is well worth the effort, which needn't even be unpleasant, but can be enjoyed.
So I shall leave you with a little something becasue it just sprang to mind, from www.seesubtle.blogsot.com :
"Well congratulations, you actually made it. I’ll admit that for a while I had my doubts. But you’ve grown a lot the past few years and you seem to have a pretty good mind in that head of yours, so here’s my advice for the next four years:
1. There’s a lot to learn in college. Some of it happens in the classroom, most of it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean one is more important than the other.
2. 2. Everyone you meet will have different motivations for what they’re doing. Some people do things for money, some people do things for grades, some people do things without ever knowing why, but you should do it for the sake of Quality. If you don’t know what that means yet, you’ve got four years to figure it out.
3. Don’t go to college to prepare yourself for a career, because that just distracts from your education.
4. Always ask why. I know people who could identify every kind of button on every uniform of every unit that fought in the Civil war, but if you ask them why the South seceded they wouldn’t have a clue. Which do you think is more important?
5. Some of your best work will be done after four-thirty in the morning.
6. Finally, don’t worry too much about what you’re doing, where you’re going or how you’re going to get there, even if everyone else seems to. Just enjoy where you are, strive for Quality, and everything else will fall into place, as it should. If nothing else, have faith in that."
Goodnight. Sweet dreams. And take care :)
I went down to the beach today and I could not feel. Other than frustration at being where I am. It was beautiful and wonderful, but although I had moments, I did not feel it. Soemthing is amiss...What? After being exposed to so many suggestions, how do I know which one to pick?
Perhaps the answer is that I don't. You never know which path to pick, whihc choice is the right one. But you choose anyway, in faith and out of neccessity, for you must move forward, you have no choice, even if forward is backwards, you must move on and on until you get to wherever it is you're going, if you are indeed going anywhere at all.
Faith. It's a lovely thing. "Faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love." Corinthians 13, a great passage indeed. I like faith at the moment. Maybe it's foolishness, perhaps, but I am following a path out of faith and seeing where it leads me. You might like to try it sometime. It may well be worthwhile. Just a possibilty. Then again, it's just one path of many, so whatever tickles your bottom, as my mum would say, hahaha.
I can hear the ocean from here. I like the ocean. It's all pretty and expansive. It's blue and black and green and red and purple and it sparkles and it is so big! And it's so full of all this life, of myriad organisms unimaginable and unintelligable and underwear and other un words. I like it!
I've just gone on a crazy giddy as a schoolgirl crazy thing, so my mind is all all over the place, particularly coming back to a particular feeling...Woveda, for the mo I shall just go wit da flo, hahaha. I am such a gansta. Yo shorty, bitch nigger fuck ho...Oh the swimming carnival!
Anywho! After that random outburst of 'coolness'...
So what to say now? Anything worthwhile at all going to come out here? We shall see.
A thought: the way that requires intellectual justification is not the way of the heart. Of course, it's hard to tell when when your mind comes into it, hard to express or think it with the mind, but it's something I stumbled across one day when I was distractedly looking.
I'm tired, and it is getting late. It is time for me to go. But I am drawn back to this infite well of cyber humanity time and time again. I'm addicted. I forget myself as I surf the expanse of the internet ocean, or as I sit here want to search for something, but what, I do not know. Like in the Matrix. It's sort of a handy metphor for life, really. Except the internet is something that people acknowledge more, their love of it, their yerning to explore it It has this power. It's pretty sad, I know, but there is something about it...Or something about the way I react to it. For it is all in my reaction. Therefore, for the answers to anything without I can only look within, surely? It seems logical to me. But what seems to prove a point to me may seem like irrelevant fluff to another. So I'll just carry on along my path because that's what I must do, and what I choose to do, because I know I lvoe the path, even though i forget sometimes and often take it all way, especially myself, way too seriously. You enjoy it. You slip over on a banana peel in the middle of a typical American school hallway, and you laugh along with all the cruel people around you because they're not really cruel they're just doing the same as you are - trying to get by in the world the best way they can - and you know you looked ridiculus anyway.
You stumble into brambles and you laugh at the absurdity of life, because it is not absurd at all, but perfect without flaw or falter or little crevice or molehill. And you laugh at yourself because you have been so unbelievably pretentious and arrogant and silly and showed it to the world but it is at the same time believeable becaus eit goes on around you all the time. So you laugh because it is funny.
But I am not actually there. I am teaching what i do not know. For I have not yet been able to express why you would laugh at such things without it being cruel and bitchy. there is a light-heartedness, some sort of divine humour that does not involve laughing at someones behaviour, but something else. Like you're laughing with them, they just don't know it.
I'm not usre that I'm not lying here. I don't know the laughter. So I shall back up a little, or rather go forward into truth further. I hope.
Why don't we do it in the road. Crazy old Beatles.
If I don't sleep now I will regret it in the morning. But the thought of facing that abyss of unpleasant restless incessant yabbering of the mind...Therefore I am enheartened to go and face this particular abyss and emerge blessed, because i have faith that is what will happen, and it is well worth the effort, which needn't even be unpleasant, but can be enjoyed.
So I shall leave you with a little something becasue it just sprang to mind, from www.seesubtle.blogsot.com :
"Well congratulations, you actually made it. I’ll admit that for a while I had my doubts. But you’ve grown a lot the past few years and you seem to have a pretty good mind in that head of yours, so here’s my advice for the next four years:
1. There’s a lot to learn in college. Some of it happens in the classroom, most of it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean one is more important than the other.
2. 2. Everyone you meet will have different motivations for what they’re doing. Some people do things for money, some people do things for grades, some people do things without ever knowing why, but you should do it for the sake of Quality. If you don’t know what that means yet, you’ve got four years to figure it out.
3. Don’t go to college to prepare yourself for a career, because that just distracts from your education.
4. Always ask why. I know people who could identify every kind of button on every uniform of every unit that fought in the Civil war, but if you ask them why the South seceded they wouldn’t have a clue. Which do you think is more important?
5. Some of your best work will be done after four-thirty in the morning.
6. Finally, don’t worry too much about what you’re doing, where you’re going or how you’re going to get there, even if everyone else seems to. Just enjoy where you are, strive for Quality, and everything else will fall into place, as it should. If nothing else, have faith in that."
Goodnight. Sweet dreams. And take care :)
Friday, February 10, 2006
Here I am in the now, and I am trying to write the best words I can, dredge them up from inside somewhere and lay them down outside as an arrangement of whatevers within the huge arena of cyberspace. Like a giant void of everything and nothing out there, a huge expanse of intruguing, vacuuminous, debrious, all-important, meaningless data. Signposts thoughout the universe of echoeing shells, luminescent hands, effervescent thoughts.
This is all the way my mind perceives the world. It is not ultimate truth.
There is music playing.
I realise I am clenching my forehead and mouth. If I let it go it dissolves into tears? And beyond that? Beyond. Where is that? What is there?
Enya comes on and tell me A new world waits...There is nothing to desire...May be paradise to me...Ahhhhhhh laaaaaa ahhhhh la....Oooooooo oosha...
Dredging up words from my soul. Heaving them out like dry retching or dribbling vomit and onto the table for examination, to undergo close scrutiny, to the service of the world. Where did that last part come form? I didn't think of it.
In the background, Cat Stevens comes on and says If you want to sing out, sing out. And if you want to be free, be free. Coz theres a million things to be, you know that there are.
Why should I write this? Why go dredging around?
And now The Beatles come on. All I want is you. Everything has got to be just like you want it to...You can radiate everything you are.
What am I? That old question.
Pieces seem to fall into place as I think. Increasing synchronicities. And yet still... Down in the depths of my soul...What is there?
There is someone I want to go see. It's been too long. I have distanced myself, and now I come back. It hasn't been very long, but it feels like a long time. I might have pushed him away a bit. Or maybe just pushed him away in my mind. He deserves my attention, if he still wants it. Come to think of it, it may be a similar situation with his female equivalent...hahaha, that was the first thing I thought of. You may know who is being referred to now, or you may not. A certain fellow Cheltenham-dweller...
And now Radiohead comes on...
It may be a similar situation with everyone I know.
There is someone else I am thinking of. He is my boyfriend. I did not want to write that sentence, but it came. I'm not sure I like the way it sounds. But he is. I am awfully fond of him. I saw him today. It's been less than a week, but I like him a lot.
There are others out there, beyond my limited mind's world, who deserve my attention.
I am terrible at multitasking.
Trust in God with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Saw that on a church noticeboard. Proverbs 3:5. At this point in time to me that means don't get too caught up with what you think you know (just as I write this, The Beatles comes on, The Long and Winding Road, which I just recently equated with god...), in other words, be open, learn from experience.
So I come back here with this feeling of lacking.
Tori Amos comes on with words and pretty piano of soothing, flowing tenderness. There will be time to chase the sun, with ribbons undone...It is your time, so just run, with ribbons undone.
Follow her laughter
And the theme from Amelie.
It's time to stop floating on the surface and go a little deeper here.
These words are not mine. I did not create them. They are words. Indicators of the world within. But indicators only. They are not the world within. They fall short of it, always.
It's funny, a few days ago Radiohead came on most, and now it has changed to Tori Amos. I have associated her with compassion and worldliness, or being in the world.
I am going to go now. I want to wrap up some of my very flimsy english extension two things for my meeting of tomorrow, where I will have to go in and tell the teachers that I have not done anything visible over the holidays, the last two months or so, although I don't think it's been a complete waste. And then smile pretty, hehe.
So take care, all. My thoughts are somewhere with you, or with you somewhere, or somehow.
Goodnight.
This is all the way my mind perceives the world. It is not ultimate truth.
There is music playing.
I realise I am clenching my forehead and mouth. If I let it go it dissolves into tears? And beyond that? Beyond. Where is that? What is there?
Enya comes on and tell me A new world waits...There is nothing to desire...May be paradise to me...Ahhhhhhh laaaaaa ahhhhh la....Oooooooo oosha...
Dredging up words from my soul. Heaving them out like dry retching or dribbling vomit and onto the table for examination, to undergo close scrutiny, to the service of the world. Where did that last part come form? I didn't think of it.
In the background, Cat Stevens comes on and says If you want to sing out, sing out. And if you want to be free, be free. Coz theres a million things to be, you know that there are.
Why should I write this? Why go dredging around?
And now The Beatles come on. All I want is you. Everything has got to be just like you want it to...You can radiate everything you are.
What am I? That old question.
Pieces seem to fall into place as I think. Increasing synchronicities. And yet still... Down in the depths of my soul...What is there?
There is someone I want to go see. It's been too long. I have distanced myself, and now I come back. It hasn't been very long, but it feels like a long time. I might have pushed him away a bit. Or maybe just pushed him away in my mind. He deserves my attention, if he still wants it. Come to think of it, it may be a similar situation with his female equivalent...hahaha, that was the first thing I thought of. You may know who is being referred to now, or you may not. A certain fellow Cheltenham-dweller...
And now Radiohead comes on...
It may be a similar situation with everyone I know.
There is someone else I am thinking of. He is my boyfriend. I did not want to write that sentence, but it came. I'm not sure I like the way it sounds. But he is. I am awfully fond of him. I saw him today. It's been less than a week, but I like him a lot.
There are others out there, beyond my limited mind's world, who deserve my attention.
I am terrible at multitasking.
Trust in God with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Saw that on a church noticeboard. Proverbs 3:5. At this point in time to me that means don't get too caught up with what you think you know (just as I write this, The Beatles comes on, The Long and Winding Road, which I just recently equated with god...), in other words, be open, learn from experience.
So I come back here with this feeling of lacking.
Tori Amos comes on with words and pretty piano of soothing, flowing tenderness. There will be time to chase the sun, with ribbons undone...It is your time, so just run, with ribbons undone.
Follow her laughter
And the theme from Amelie.
It's time to stop floating on the surface and go a little deeper here.
These words are not mine. I did not create them. They are words. Indicators of the world within. But indicators only. They are not the world within. They fall short of it, always.
It's funny, a few days ago Radiohead came on most, and now it has changed to Tori Amos. I have associated her with compassion and worldliness, or being in the world.
I am going to go now. I want to wrap up some of my very flimsy english extension two things for my meeting of tomorrow, where I will have to go in and tell the teachers that I have not done anything visible over the holidays, the last two months or so, although I don't think it's been a complete waste. And then smile pretty, hehe.
So take care, all. My thoughts are somewhere with you, or with you somewhere, or somehow.
Goodnight.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
My dear heart never
think you are better
than others. Listen
to their sorrows
with compassion. If
you want peace,
don't harbor bad
thoughts do not
gossip and don't
teach what you do
not know.
-- Jellaludin Rumi
I just read that. Another 'coincidence'. Perfect. A succinct expression of what I think I need to do. A note to self.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
In light of recent commenting, I want to say a few things here.
I have been very 'wrong' in a lot of ways. By wrong I mean acting in ways attatched to negativity. I wish to shed them, and the negativity within myself that underlies them, that I may become a better person for everyone. I want to do it for myself, too, in a way that I hope to shed as well in due course.
I read the following today: "...and only observed in how it unfolds..." Quite a 'coincidence' that that was posted on this day, at this time.
It has been commented that I do not show my professed love through my actions. Henceforth I will rectifyt that.
I will follow a path of love and see where it takes me. I have chosen compassion as my single concept to focus on, for it has been said "All spiritual truth is contained in every spiritual concept; it is only necessary to totally understand one single concept to understand them all, and arrive at the realization of the Real. Choose one concept or spiritual tool and pursue it relentlessly to its ultimate end: forgiveness or kindness carried to the absolute, the 3rd step from a 12-step program, whatever. Then apply it to every single thought, feeling, action, and behavior, without exception." (Dr. David Hawkins, The Realization of the Presence of God).
I do not understand compassion. I tend to equate it with pity and sadness. I shall learn.
I am afraid.
I will persevere, and see where I end up.
My best blessings to you all.
I have been very 'wrong' in a lot of ways. By wrong I mean acting in ways attatched to negativity. I wish to shed them, and the negativity within myself that underlies them, that I may become a better person for everyone. I want to do it for myself, too, in a way that I hope to shed as well in due course.
I read the following today: "...and only observed in how it unfolds..." Quite a 'coincidence' that that was posted on this day, at this time.
It has been commented that I do not show my professed love through my actions. Henceforth I will rectifyt that.
I will follow a path of love and see where it takes me. I have chosen compassion as my single concept to focus on, for it has been said "All spiritual truth is contained in every spiritual concept; it is only necessary to totally understand one single concept to understand them all, and arrive at the realization of the Real. Choose one concept or spiritual tool and pursue it relentlessly to its ultimate end: forgiveness or kindness carried to the absolute, the 3rd step from a 12-step program, whatever. Then apply it to every single thought, feeling, action, and behavior, without exception." (Dr. David Hawkins, The Realization of the Presence of God).
I do not understand compassion. I tend to equate it with pity and sadness. I shall learn.
I am afraid.
I will persevere, and see where I end up.
My best blessings to you all.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Le Beatles roxors my boxors! hahahah
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
*
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
*
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Live and Let Live ........... Let It Be
I don't know what the picture is about- just a random choice. I'm a bit tipsy, to be honest, so who knows what it means. It's already been posted, but there is rhyme and reason to everything.
love
Once You Had Gold - Enya
Once you had gold,
Once you had silver,
Then came the rains
out of the blue.
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
Time gave both darkness and dreams to you.
Now you can see
Spring becomes autumn,
leaves become gold
falling from view.
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
No-one can promise a dream come true,
Time gave both darkness and dreams to you.
What is the dark;
shadows around you,
why not take heart
in the new day?
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
No-one can promise a dream for you,
Time gave both darkness and dreams to you.
So choose! - author's note
hehehe
So belive me when i say that i love you all.
I am not perfect. Far from it. But i'm on my way, and I belive it. And i love you
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