I don't want to leave school. It means I'll have to go out into the world and take care of myself. I'll have to find a career, which is terrible, because there's nothing I want to do. My Mum is pushing for me to find something at the moment, but the only things I would do at uni don't actually lead to anything. So I'm terribly scared that I'm going to go into a career I don't like and end up hating it and and myself and wasting my life. And I realised that I'm sort of afraid of being mediocre. Silly thing to be afraid of, I know, but I am.
I just don't want to wind up regretting everything. I don't.
Mum thinks I should do journalism at the moment. I thought for a bit that that might be acceptable, but I just went and looked into it and I just found it abhorrent.
Perhaps I should just come to terms with all this shit and shed some of the things that stop me and just 'grow up'. But on the other hand I find that attitude so detestable. I don't know.
So in conclusion I just want to stay in school forever, stop time or something, so I don't have to choose. I'm afraid of choosing wrong.
I guess I'll just have to become a fabulous writer.
Yeah, I haven't posted anything in quite a while. Nothing to post really. Nothing that feels right to write on here.
Dreams are all we have.