You could be completely wrong in your view of life.

Some humility can do wonders for a person, despite the negative connotations that word has gained.

It seems difficult. How do I not be what a part of me so loudly claims is all me, and indeed has coaxed me into believing ti my whole life, unbeknownest to my conscious self.

I have backed away from really learning this humility a lot. Ostensibly, because it was 'too hard', I simply 'couldn't do it'. But then tonight I was like 'well, I'm just going to stay with this, at least think about it' because even that sort of acknowledgement is helpful - it gives invitation, helps look at something else other than that loud voice that says it knows while a part of you quietly but persitantly insists there's something better, even if you don't know the words to put it into. So I was just being with it a bit, and it became subtly but increasingly accepted, if only a little (hey, a start if great, just one step and then seeing what happens).
So then I get home and Dad, his girlfriend and I get into this discussion. We had different perspectives and different paradigms of reality. But eventually he said something that was so incredibly in line with what I had started thinking. And I decided to let go of trying to get dad to see something and instead just let him teach me. He seems to have such a good idea of how people work in lots of ways.
It took a difficult affront like that to my 'ego' (by that I mean the part of us generally accepted to be the true human mind), an event that was offered to me by life, so I see it, (crazily, coolly, relating my horoscope for the week - I only jusy thought of that - how cool; it's like what I said before, they seem to fulfill themselves and afterwards you realise they have, as if they are prophesising or perhaps setting up the field, effecting the subconcious or something) and also my little step of willingness to let me learn that seemingly dificult lesson. But really it's not that hard once it happens, I guess because when it happens it does becuase your ready. Hm.
So what I'm trying to say is, primarily, just to solidify my ideas, which I have not learnt that well through this...Must think on it more, not let it slip away (by the way, something I've noticed recently is that my mind seems to easily let go of that I believe I really need to learn, like that feeling with dreams, that they just fade away to the edge of your consciousness and into the sunbconscious and you cannot get them back again - what seems to be innate resistance to its giving up sovereignity - but I have found that if I just stop and think 'well, this is important, I intend to get back to it' and sort of relax, try without trying as some have said, not something that can really be consciously explained but can be learned intuitively, that it comes back.
To reiterate what I see to be the little morals here (I stress what I see to be - anyone can get whatever they want out of it):
- the "little willingness", no more than a little at first to get it started, like that mustard seed of faith in christianity
- this can mean actually cinsidering it, giving it the time of day, and not just in a false pretence sort of way, but with the thought that maybe there is something you can learn
- humility - that is, that you don't know everything, you aren't the supreme ruler
- and things just sort of happen, fall into place so nicely that your eyes sparkle and you cannot but marvel at how cool it is to be alive (I mean, you can easily not do that, but if you think of it logically you can seemaybe you're mistaken about that too?)


How do I share without doing it in an ego supremacy, superiority way? "you wonder if it's crap or if it's forced or if it's uninspired..." Keep persevering? Just keep at it. Like that Leunig cartoon which I'm having trouble putting here now, but I've posted it before: http://pastichna.blogspot.com/2006/03/may-you-build-ladder-to-stars-and.html

G'night