So, here's something of love that I need to get out, rather than 'needing' to get out, I don't know, how it's so unfair that I have to work all day Saturday and Sunday as well as Monday and Tuesday nights when I have an assignment due on Monday and another on Wednesday. Because when I 'get that feeling out' it makes it a feeling. Before I say it it's not that bad, but when I choose to say it it grows and it seems like a big issue. So then maybe the same thing can apply to happy things, which, when people ask me how I am or what I've been up to or something I don't often say because they're potentially boring, not what people want ot hear, more difficult to communicate, not normal. So to hell once and for all with saying 'negative' things just for the sake of interactivity - better to have no friends or be seen as a little weird than to foster an idea that things suck.
So my love thing that's worth getting out?

This song by Sarah Humphreys (www.myspace.com/sarahhumphreys) that I've mentioned before, April, that I've listened to over and over and over again. That is my love thing. If you go to that link and listen to the song it may not seem like anything special. But the fact that the first time I heard Sarah's music she was playing it live, and it really struck a chord in me because of just the whole context, which is made up of everything ever . And so I heard something that night, so that now, when I listen to her music, and April in particular (although she didn't actually play it the first time I saw her...or maybe she did and I just didn't notice becuase it wasn't at the time as striking as others?) I hear her in the music. I can feel her play, feel her mouth forming a word in the unusual way it does sometimes, feel the slight movement of her head when she dips up to a note, feel her little smile as she closes her eyes just as I hear the smile in her voice. And of course there are the ittle idiosyncracies of her voice - the way it breaks, or dips in place, or her strange accent and not-quite-articulated words. She taught me finally to not sing along all the time, but just to listen, to really listen, a lesson I've never before followed through. And when I listen to that song, sitting here at the computer, stopping eveything else, I can feel the spark of life, of the essence, in my heart, and I smile with my whole being.
That, I think, may be me discovering love